Here I am, feeling the need to write about what has happened to me in the past month, about a special encounter that, you guessed it, has died before having the chance to turn into something more meaningful.
This time, however, I realise I’m writing for a new reason.
I’ve just re-read the section “Why this blog”, where I explained why I wanted to open this blog and what pushes me to write. So far, my main motivations have been:
- Sharing my experiences, because I really feel part of a sisterhood, and I know that many women are, or have been, in my same position, and I like the idea of offering them my hand and show them that they are not alone, that we are all on the same boat, and that by knowing this everything can seem a bit better.
- Getting my thoughts out: I’m so good at over-analysing situations, ponder for hours over books, movies and chats with friends, that writing has always been a good way for me to unclog my mind.
This time, however, I am writing for a new reason. This time I am writing to CLAIM BACK MY VOICE, A VOICE I HAVE BEEN DENIED TWICE TO EXPRESS. I am writing to feel empowered again, because receiving a text where a guy tells me that he has decided not to pursue things between us, without being given the chance to ask for clarifications is ultimately, at least for me, a form of subtle violence. No matter how nicely and delicately he has phrased it.
By denying me the chance to talk about it, by putting me in front of a decision that I can’t investigate, he is silencing me, he is putting me in an inferior position where I have no room for action, and this has made me suffer more than I initially realised. He has shut the door on me, and I open this side door online, as this is the tool I have available to make myself heard. If not with him, at least with other men that are reading this and might think, like him, that they are doing the right thing. The way I see it, an interaction, of any kind, requires two people, and both of them should be allowed to play their role. Not leaving the chance to one of them to explain him/herself, or to question things, is disrespectful. No matter how sure you are about your reasons, the other person should still have the chance to express him/herself.
So here I am, claiming my power back with this pen (well, keyboard…), and ready to show you how many contrasting emotions a text can stir.
And now, off we go. Get ready for a very beautiful, sweet and special ride, that unfortunately comes to an abrupt stop too soon (like many young lives on many car journeys back from a club on a Saturday night, just to finish the introduction on a cheerful note ;-))