TO YOU, I WANNA SAY…

To you, who have perfectly organised your day ahead, juggling so many things in order to find time to see him, to then receive a dry text by him two hours before your date: “I can’t make it tonite”, without any apology, or a suggestion to reschedule it;

To you, who despite having sworn to yourself you were done with those apps, find yourself opening one because it’s just too hot, because the summer is approaching and it would be great to find a special someone to enjoy those balmy evenings with;

To you, who go alone to the cinema, and feel a little pang of jealousy when the couple in front of you is kissing;

And to you, who went alone to a fertility clinic to work on your dream, and alone you cried when the treatment was not successful;

To you, who feel lonely often, but are aware that it’s anyway better than feeling lonely in a relationship;

And to you, who pack once more your luggage and step out of that lonely relationship;

To you, who are longing for a connection and find yet another commitment phobic;

And to you, who just want romance, and respect, and understanding, and receive a text from a guy: “Send me some naked pics”;

And yes, to you, who by now have developed such a thick skin and send him some cock pics adding: “Enjoy your wank”.

To you, who convince yourself you are just having fun, and that you can control it, and then realise that maybe, actually, you are falling for him, while he is not ready to take the next step;

To you, who live the short lived miracle of a whirlwind romance, just to discover that your man has a double personality;

And to you, who were about to buy a house with him, just to discover that he is cheating on you, and that he is involved in a few frauds;

To you, who accept crumbs of love and hate yourself for that;

To you, who have lost interest in dating, just to have your peaceful world shaken by just a kiss given by a married man;

And to you, who have fallen in love despite your best intentions not to, with a married man, who feels more secure in the farce of his loveless  marriage;

To you, who for yet another time are sitting at the singles’ table at your friend’s wedding;

To you, that started flirting with the groom’s brother, who all evening long has insisted for you two to go for a midnight swim into the sea once the party is over,  to you who are now left there, in the not so warm water, waiting for someone who will never show up because he has found a waitress to shag;

To you, who on such occasions look at the starry sky and wonder if it’s really just unluck or if there’s something wrong with you, and despise the fact that you are still allowing such people to affect your mood;

To you, who try to be cheerful and smiling because nobody wants negative people around, no matter how dark your thoughts are;

To you, who start doubting yourself, because their words have been so careless, or so violent, or so superficial;

To you, who have given your best to save your relationship, only to discover that along the way you have lost sight of who you are;

And to you, who have poured so much care, and attention, and understanding, on someone unable to love back;

To you, whose heart skips a beat when someone still mentions your ex;

And to you, who cried with your face in your pillow, screaming silently, when you discovered that your ex got married;

To you, who hit your rock bottom after discovering that he had told you so many lies;

To you, who have always seen yourself as a mother, but see the years passing by without meeting the right person;

Or to you, who have gone from one clinic to another, not giving up on your dream;

To you, childless now and regretting the abortion you had when you were still at school and having a baby seemed an unconceivable burden to carry;

And to you, who for some magical weeks felt that presence growing inside you, but then lost it, and lost a piece of your heart, too;

To you, who thought that his jealousy was a sign he cared;

And to you, who found help in a bottle, or in some pills, when the memories were too vivid, and the thoughts too piercing;

But especially to you, who keep trying, and believing, exposing yourself to possibly more sorrow because there is a chance it could be the right one this time, and because you don’t see any point in a life without emotions…

To all of you, steel flowers who every day try to live smiling, patiently, with courage, improving yourselves and protecting your dreams, I just wanna say:
“Happy Birthday”.
This week, last week, today, yesterday, or whenever that will be.

 

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