WHAT I’VE LEARNT ABOUT SEX (PART 2)

If my blog were to faithfully mirror what’s happening in my life, this post should be about what I’ve learnt regarding the estate market. Online dating? Forget about it! Who has time for it anymore? These days I’m spending all my spare time checking Zoopla and Rightmove for my next flat to buy.
On TimeOut last week it was written that “Rightmove is like Tinder for married couples”, a sentence that made me smile because I know how addictive both can be.
There you go, then, that’s the link from the estate property world to the love and dating one, and so let’s elegantly move to today’s post.

 What are the things I’ve learnt about sex in these years, that have made me open my eyes wide in disbelief, or go “Mmh! Interesting…”, or shake my head with a resigned smile, or laugh loudly and cover my face, or saying my signature “Ah, ecco”? In no particular order, as our beloved Dermot O’ Leary would say, I’ve learnt that…

Well, that “Once you go black, you never go back” doesn’t hold much truth.
Similarly, the less well-known saying (admittedly, I’ve invented it, and not said it around much) “Once you go Asian, forget the Caucasian”, is another bullshit.

That fuck buddies, or “sporty friends” how I like to call them, should be prescribed by the NHS. You know how many minor health and mental conditions would be avoided if girls were offered the chance to have some regular sex with trusted people without having to expose themselves and actively look for them?

I’ve learnt that sex muddies the water, especially when it’s good. Sex is a powerful thing, and it can easily distract you from seeing other things, or it can make you so wanting to see things that are not there.

Similarly, because of the connection it brings, when sex disappears from a couple’s life, in most cases it’s an alarm signal that something is very wrong between them two.

Contrarily to what they teach you in Italy, there are people who are actually not interested at all in sex. Asexual beings, or demisexual ones… Oh, yes, they exist and are among us.

I’ve learnt that guys are much more worried about what can (or can NOT) happen than girls. Honestly, guys: we know some dysfunctions can happen, relax, it’s not the end of the world and we won’t hold it against you for the rest of your life.

The biggest thing I’ve learnt is that you can’t really ever tell how a person would be in bed. Yes, there are stereotypes, like “the quieter in life, the wilder in bed”, and like all stereotypes there is of course a lot of truth there. Another one would have people in a high social position wanting to be dominated and even possibly humiliated. I don’t know about this, I’m more referring to the fact that you see this quiet, very British guy with such a delicate, poetic soul… and he might be into BDSM, or this other athletic, fit, muscled one might be into cross dressing. Or that one has a fetish for ears, the other one has a set of tools to spank you with. You just never know.

Also, unfortunately, is that no matter how well you get along outside the bedroom… sometimes, despite the best indications, the chemistry is just not there.

I’ve also learnt that it would be advisable to have a similar sex drive to your partner, or you two might be in for frustration, disappointments, and even fights.

Another thing I’ve learnt is that there is nothing sadder than the vaginaphobics. Those that pretend your vagina doesn’t exist, that don’t even wanna look at it or touch it, to the point that you might even start feeling guilty for having been born with one. Run for the hills, ladies! (maybe without your underwear on, to reaffirm that your vagina needs attentions).

Less sad than this, but still a bit heart-wrenching, are those who want to put on a play, and cannot act properly. Like self-proclaimed passionate lovers, who confuse passion with not handling you with care and end up covering you in bruises.

Also, I’m not sure about diamonds. I think that the rabbit is a girl’s best friend.

….Finally, did you know that Taoist men don’t come? Seriously, Wikipedia it. You see, the things you haven’t learnt! (and lucky you!)

shocked ornagu

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