I know, I know, Albert Einstein proved it mathematically: “Everything is relative”. Jarabe de Palo underlined it musically: “Depende, de qué depende? De según como se mire todo depende.” And that’s exactly what I was thinking about on Sunday afternoon, when I took a solitary walk in Peckham Rye park, to see the amazing show Autumn is putting on for all of us.
Walking in silence, I thought it was a far cry from the crazy Saturday night I had had with a bunch of friends at Reflex, in East London, where I had danced and sang my heart out at the best ‘80s and ‘90s tunes. This contrast in what entertains me made me think of the duality of everything, and the multi-coloured leaves all around me made me think of the infinite changes we go through in our lives…
And then the thoughts spiralled, chained to each other, making me get to this conclusion: shit is a fertiliser and labels must be deserved.
I read this sentence a few days ago: “Loneliness is not a lacking of something, but rather the aching fulfillment of our open, raw, caring nature“.
It struck me because I had never seen loneliness as having something positive. “Aloneness”, if you allow me this neologism, can be very positive, and I personally love being on my own. But loneliness brings in its definition a sad connotation.
After the initial surprise, however, I reminded myself that even shit has its positive sides and can be used as a fertiliser. Or, take a trip to Rajasthan, and you will see it used as fuel in its dried version (and I suspect there are other positive sides to shit, and ingenious ways in which it is used, that I am not aware of. Care to share?).
And so, by looking at things from a completely different perspective, turning what seems negative, bad, hopeless, uninteresting, into something positive, good, challenging, I came to my second epiphany.
Labels must be deserved, my dear.
In the initial phase of a possible relationship, where the two people are still studying each other, there is always one that is more afraid than the other. Or, at least, it’s always been so in my experience. Needless to say, it was never me, as I am generally ready to jump head-on in any new adventure. But guys, on the other hand, often want to take it easy, take things slowly. They are afraid of the Commitment, or of being given a Label.
Well, let me reassure you. I don’t go around giving away labels like that, as if they didn’t mean anything. My labels are actually super precious because I have given them only twice so far in my life. You need to deserve it, and I am afraid that my parameters to grant them have increased a lot since the last time I felt a man deserved it.
You need to stimulate me intellectually, understand me spiritually, fascinate me with your conversation, surprise me and challenge me with your views of the world, entertain me with your jokes and anecdotes. You have to interest me, and be interested in me. You have to respect me and gain my admiration. You have to show me what passion is, and be able to keep up with my thirst for great emotions.
You need to be so many more things, and it will take some time to get there. In the meanwhile, you will discover what woman you are dealing with. And trust me, it’s actually more likely that before I want to give this thing a label, you will probably be asking and hoping for it 😉
There are so many things I need to see in you before giving you the label of boyfriend you are so afraid of, that for now you can chill out. Big time.
As of today, the only label I give you is that of “Bradley Cooper from the favelas”, based on your slight physical resemblance and origins. And I think you can live with that, right? I can throw in the label of “DOC idiot”, but that’s as much as I am willing to stretch it for the time being. So now relax and let’s just get to know each other, ok?